Hanny van Arkel, the teacher. Last week I had a funny day at work. It didn’t start out funny though, for one of the kids. He was one of the three seven-and-eight-year-olds who were caught in a love triangle! Yeah, sometimes I do feel old. None of the kids in my class knew what ‘being in love’ was at that age, so I guess that’s why I didn’t take this situation all that seriously at first.
Boy A – let’s call him Adam for this case – was sitting at his desk with his fingers in his ears. His best friend – who I’ll call Bobby in this column – and The Girl, came to tell me they were ‘an item’. They didn’t just like each other, they were a couple. I’ll refer to The Girl as ‘Julia’. Julia and Bobby sit opposite each other, with Bobby sitting next to Adam. After the announcement and my ‘oh that’s nice’, The Couple went back to their places when Julia asked Bobby if it was alright with him too, to have two kids when they’re grownup and married, so that she can hold one, and he can too. Bobby thought that was a good idea. Meanwhile Adam, with his fingers in his ears, told them to shut up as “he was getting a headache because they were talking so loud.”
They weren’t. He just couldn’t bear hearing his best friend and ‘the love of his life’ talking like that. Apparently, Adam had a crush on Julia ever since the first day she came to this school (I later heard). They were even a couple last week! (Remember, it’s not my own class, I was filling in for their teacher). I heard all of that from other teachers, during our lunch break. The lunch break that outside was turning into a disaster. For poor Adam. When I came into the class again, he was sitting with his head hidden in his arms on his desk, moved all the way to the left side. Best friend Bobby had the same position next to him, but turned all the way to the right side. Julia explained to me that she and ‘her boyfriend’ told Adam that they didn’t want to play with him.
I quickly decided to work things out right there and then. I let all three talk, one at a time, and made them listen to each other. It’s good to teach them that of course and meanwhile, I learn a lot about what’s really going on. Heartbroken Adam naturally wasn’t all that friendly to The Couple and therefore they didn’t want to play with him anymore. After they all had their turns he shouted desperately: “I just can’t explain!” I asked Adam if it was alright with him if I tried to do that for him. His head nodded on his arms.
I told Julia that I thought Adam still liked her very much, just as much as when she liked him too (last week) and that it’s hard for him to see that she now likes his best friend a bit more. Adam’s head nodded again and Julia’s face showed helplessness. I went on: “I think that’s the reason why Adam was a bit unfriendly to you, as he didn’t know how to explain that”. In the meantime, Bobby lifted his head a little bit, to look at his crying best friend. So I asked him: “How does that make you feel, to see your best friend so sad?” “Sad too.” Was his almost unspoken answer. Good, we had understanding from The Couple’s side.
Adam however, took it a bit further and exclaimed: “And now I don’t have any friends anymore at all either!” I asked the rest of the class who liked Adam and all of them raised their hand. (Another girl even cheerfully said: “Hey, I don’t have any friends either, I can play with Julia and then you guys can play again!” And another boy added: “I’m in love with Julia too, but I’m also in love with Kelly, so I now just have her.”) The rest of the class meant well, which was good to see, but I wanted this soap opera to be over with and I still needed to tell Adam, that he’ll have to accept the fact that Julia now likes Bobby. But with the sympathetic atmosphere there was now, I didn’t have to worry about it. Fifteen minutes later, the three of them were playing again.
And they lived happily ever after and all that.
2 Comments
Life and love eh, through the eye’s of an 8 year old. Bless. A touching story and nicely handled Hanny.
good approach from a pedagogical point of view!
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